I Hate Turkey

What is it with holidays and turkey? Does anyone really like turkey meat? C’mon, the rest of the year when you go out for a fancy dinner, what do you order? Turkey? I think not. You order prime rib, or steak, or some other beef dish. Maybe you order lobster or even pork tenderloin. But you do not order turkey. Restaurants don't even stock turkey except at Christmas and Thanksgiving. There's a reason for that: nobody likes it.
I'm not being a grinch here. I love Christmas. I love the parties, being with family and friends, going to church at midnight, exchanging gifts . . . I even enjoy turkey dinners. The gravy, the stuffing, the mashed potatoes--real, not from a box--the cranberry sauce, and all the rest are wonderful. But I can only swallow the meat if it’s drowned in gravy. Lots and lots and lots of gravy. I generally take a very smalls slice of meat, place it prominently in my plate, and exclaim over how wonderful it is so no one’s offended by my lack of desire to actually eat any of this foul bird. Pun intended. Then I carve into the good stuff--the mincemeat pie with hard sauce. Especially hard sauce. Mmm . . . hard sauce. I can hear Homer drooling in the background even as I write.
Nobody wants the leftovers. My mother now trashes the rest of the bird because it’s a waste of effort--a lot of effort--to try and save it. And who likes turkey soup, turkey sandwiches, turkey casserole, and leftover dishes that drag on for days? Anyone? I mean it; if you do, tell me.
Not to mention turkey products valiantly sold in grocery stores the rest of the year. Turkey lunchmeat, hot dogs, etc.--meat substitutes that are supposedly more heart healthy than beef. Give me a break. Beef is leaner these day. Enjoy it.
So why do we celebrate our most special occasions with this horrid bird? Is it because we all need the excuse to serve gravy and stuffing?
So lets serve gravy and stuffing and mash and forgot the roast beast.
While we’re at it, lets forgo mince pie underneath the hard sauce. And dip without the ships. Less calories that way.
Have a merry Christmas. I’ll toast you with my rosé wine.